Wow, so I really disappeared off the radar for a while there, huh? I apologize for my insanely long absence, but it was necessary. My spring semester kicked my ass (as all my other semesters have already) and I had wanted to focus on my classwork without cosplay providing a distraction. I also took an online summer course (guess how that went? >< ) and as I was getting ready to apply for a student loan in order to head into what I would've hoped to be my final year of college, truth rudely slapped both my parents and me in the face.
I just couldn't afford it. Sure, that's where the student loans come into play - but they had just doubled the rates and the interest rate I was going to get wasn't fixed, meaning they could increase it to whatever they wanted (and c'mon - you honestly believe they would decrease it instead?) This would leave me in so much debt upon finishing school along with the fact that I wasn't guaranteed to get a decent job in my field to pay it off. I was studying criminal justice, and it's pretty obvious that most jobs related to it will be offered to those who are returning from the war in the Middle East. No one's gonna want a working-class young white girl who has been doing poorly in her classes and can't speak another language (in this case, Spanish) fluently.
I also wasn't feeling the motivation anymore. I went into my major because I figured I had a wide range of jobs to pick from and I was sure I would be able to find something I liked. Also - what else could I have majored in? There really wasn't anything else I liked or was good at that would give me a good career afterwards. I had no choice in what campus I would be attending, so I had to pick something that they offered. I felt stuck while also trying to keep my mom happy. I hated having to take (and pay for) classes I didn't want and that the class selection for my major wasn't all that diverse. Also, nearly every elective I would've been interested in was never offered (leaving me to wonder why it was still listed every semester) I kinda gave up. I mean, sure - I had some classes I liked and enjoyed, but in others I just stopped trying. I was unhappy. But I was too prideful and stubborn to admit that I was failing. I wanted to prove to my mom that I could get through it because she had doubted me so much.
This, along with the debt that would've been looming over me for the rest of my life, left my parents and me to come to a difficult decision: that I wouldn't be going back to school. I plan to look for a full-time job while living at home (for now) and work on paying off the loans I already have. It won't be forever, and hopefully down the road I'll find something I'll enjoy. Before anyone says that I ruined my life by choosing to drop out - I just didn't have the grades to get a decent amount of financial aid and scholarships. I struggled in nearly all my classes each year. This economy sucks, and I was digging myself a rather large hole that I don't think I could've escaped.
A full-time job would provide me with more money, and despite using a portion towards my loans every month - I can spend the rest how I please. I think I'll be less stressed and have more free time to do things I really want to do, like cosplay, travel, explore my creativity to see if there's something I actually have a talent for, and maybe even sit down and write that damn book already.
Maybe someday I'll go back to school and either finish my degree, start over, or just take some online courses on subjects that appeal to me. I admit I feel like a failure because I wasn't smart enough to get through college. I don't know what the future holds for me now but I don't regret going to school - I met some amazing people there that I never would have otherwise and I'm so happy to be friends with them.
In cosplay news, Otakon came and went and I barely finished one costume in time. I spent the weekend wearing my rule 63 of Ace from One Piece. Granted, it's still missing a few pieces, but it was in wearable condition at least. I also took Nora from FFXIII along for a big photoshoot and will upload pics once they're available. I won't be able to attend anymore conventions this year so aside from a Halloween costume, when I get back to working on new outfits (after reorganizing my room nad going through my stuff) they'll be for 2014. Remember that picture I made with all my plans for 2013? I didn't get like, even half of those done lol. That's why I normally don't try to plan so far in advance, unless it's something for a group or duo or whatever.
Anyway, sorry for the tl;dr. I'll try to be back on here more often now!